I’ve sort of learned, or at least decided, that being painfully honest about myself is probably the best thing I can do. It’s much better to highlight my weaknesses than to try to hide them. That way, anytime I do something positive, it will be good, and anytime I do something negative, it will just be expected. I think it’s a concept I’ve learned from accounting. Auditors want to portray financial results with a negative spin so any surprises will be positive, and they can’t get sued for making things look better than they actually turned out to be. So anyway, I’ve decided to be very up front about all my flaws because I know I already have a very dedicated set of friends and family who will stick by me no matter how crazy I am. If I do alienate someone, I am sorry, and I know that there are these other wonderful people who will always be there.
So anyway, I think it’s fairly clear that this February I’ve completely lost my mind. Well, sort of. I mean I still feel pretty much the same as normal. It’s just that instead of writing depressing Facebook status updates, I’ve written 50 depressing songs. Anyway, I’ve had this trend of always desperately longing for one particular girl ever since 6th grade. Since 10th grade, I’ve usually waited until I think a girl likes me before I fall for her. Unfortunately, I’m usually wrong, she doesn’t actually like me, and I’m stuck all crazified. And this is a completely constant process, like I haven’t gone a day in like 12 years without this being the case. Anyway, this February (I guess it really started with a song I wrote at the end of January) I’ve channeled that into writing songs. It’s funny because I was worried at the beginning of the month that I would be too busy to write the 14 songs, but I managed to do that 3.5 times over.
Anyway, writing these songs has been really helpful because it helps me get rid of a lot of the self-deprecating nonsense that’s always in my soul, and I actually feel way better than normal in general. It has also helped me get rid of the egotistical self-praise that’s always in my soul. Somehow I always do things in exact opposites, and I always love myself just as much as I hate myself. My eventual goal is to just be normal. Anyway, I’m just writing this to sort of explain myself. I also want to thank people for still being kind and friendly through all the public craziness I engage in. It means the world to me. It’s more than I deserve. I tried to give some of that back when I started writing the weirdo fairy tale songs. I wish I could have made those songs better, but they hopefully show my appreciation for people in my life. I wish all the songs I’ve written could actually be good, unfortunately they’re not. Some of them are ok though, and I’m getting better I think compared to previous years. That’s not really important though, what is important is that they’ve allowed me to exorcise some of the crazy inside. Anyway, here are the numbers:
1 Month
28 Days
50 Songs
2.8 hours of music
1.7857142857142857142857142857143 = Average # of songs per day
1 = Minimum # of songs per day
29 of them are about 1 grrl (Sorry [name withheld for legal reasons], thanks for dealing with it with such grace)
1 of them is about another grrl (Sorry [name withheld for legal reasons], I’m not nearly as bitter at it makes me sound)
1 of them is about the imminent Robot-Zombie Apocalypse
1 romanticizes something I’ve never actually done
1 is about where I’m from
1 of them is about keeping the Dodgers in Brooklyn
2 of them are shamelessly self-deprecating (the rest are shamefully self-deprecating)
50 of them are about how great I think I am
1 of them I wrote so I could have a song with the capo on the 10th fret
1 I just wrote in response to a challenge to write a song from the perspective of an inanimate object
1 is a brief venture into Gospel/MC Hammer ripoff
1 is an attempt to write a weirdo indie song
17 tell a weirdo series of fantasy tales that don’t really make any sense
4 are about my family
13 are about my friends
2 were requests
48 were completely unsolicited
1 is about my favorite alcoholic drink
1 is about one of my least favorite alcoholic drinks
1 is about schoolwork
1 is about death and sort of Johnny Cash
1 is about the mail
4 are about dreams
50 reflect how crazy I am
1 is about a song I wrote a month earlier
Most of them are in the key of C, have the same melody, the same chord progression, and show how little I really know about music…
Anyway, thanks to everyone fer putting up with me,
It's more than I deserve,
Hugz 'n' kissiz,
Sean
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